The end and another beginning
Its over, just like that the 6 months of trying went right out the window. We had good times and bad ones. I still don’t believe that you broke up with me because of long distance. Our entire relationship was long distance and you were fine with it. Once strangers to lovers now back to strangers again. The cycle continues and I went through the phases once before, just this time more immune than the first. I am not feeling right now. The act ofnlost isn’t hitting me yet. I am stoic to my emotions currently. I have no thoughts and feelings. Maybe tonight when I am alone again, for real I will feel lonliness.
Truth: I am scared of you hurting me.
I don’t think I could handle another person cheating on me. It tore me up the first time and if it ever happened a second time I would probably go deeper into a state of depression. I think about it and it hurts, what happened with my ex and how it affects my current relationship. I think how I have become more closed, more aware, more weary of things, more suspicious, more cautious and most of all more jealous. I know that a little jealously can be good for a relationship but this one guy that my boyfriend is becoming friends with again, they have history and back then I wouldn’t have cared and would have left him if he did anything stupid. Now I am scared that something will happen. I don’t have that carefree attitude anymore. I want to stay with this person, I love him but I don’t trust this other guy. I need to tell my boyfriend that I am not okay with this before it becomes to late and that I am too insecure from my last relationship. It is making me really uncomfortable and he is there now comforting the other guy because he just found out that he has a health condition. I know that he is being a good friend but my gut feeling is telling me something else. Normally I am not wrong….